I remember asking myself if the reason I hadn’t find found the right guy had to do with me really wanting to find him?
Afterall, I had a couple of failed marriages behind me. I was on a personal growth journey and using newly found concepts of the Law of Attraction in my life. I was attracting men – just not the forever one.
So, what was up with not finding the one with all this experience I had and re-focus of what I wanted vs. what I didn’t!
And, was it true that the older you get the less choices you have? Or that the good ones are either already married or too old, or tainted somehow?
What I discovered was – it had nothing to do with him but it did have to do with MY real answer to my question.
Whether or not I was ready to find him. It was about me. It was about who I was attracting as a reflection of me. Was my heart ready to do it again?
The last marriage felt like it ended on our honeymoon. Sure we had 3 years together but it still felt new and we were in love, or so we thought, or so we said. But it ended. Ugh. And it hurt. It was a decision-less like decision that had to be made. Him or her. Her as in my daughter. I chose her. That was the decision that was obvious yet extremely painful to make.
Moving on, I found I was afraid to open my heart again and fall in love. My experience was that if I open my heart and form a deep bond again with a man, then I might lose him.
This is one reason why it seems so much easier to find someone who is right for us when we are younger, in our teens and early 20s. It’s because, when we are younger, we are still fresh and we don’t focus on the bad things and the pains of loving someone.
I now believe that if you truly want something, have no doubt about, are a personal reflection of it – you’d have it.
Which means that if you really desired a deeper relationship with a man then you’d have one. And the only thing stopping you (or me:) from having it is the story we tell ourselves about why we CAN’T have it.
Ex: Not enough men in my town, not enough good men around, I’m too intimidating to men, I am ready for love, love hurts, etc.
I can totally respect the unconscious things that stop you from attracting the right man….love is kinda scary.
But real connection is not so scary. Most people settle for just a surface connection with lovers or friends because they think love is something to be afraid of – at the same time they want it. That was my case for awhile.
Until I learned something more profound and true.
The truth is, we will likely be hurt at some point in a relationship. I don’t mean that a man will cheat on you or beat you. I mean, you will feel all sorts of emotions that comes with being close to another human being:
Even just the fact that a man is built almost NOTHING like us is reason and cause for the emotional confusion and misunderstandings.
It’s always harder to be friends with or be in a relationship with someone who is NOT like us. Because we trick ourselves to believe that we cannot trust them. Men can be like jerks by nature and they can also be insensitive by nature – because jerk-like behavior (I don’t need you or anyone, I can do it all, I know it all) and insensitivity are actually just part of masculine energy.
Women can be confusing too, the very thing that causes a man’s insensitivity is the very thing that causes her to be attracted to him in the first place. Ha. Now, any good man is going to have some jerk-like behavior in him. Just as any good woman will have some bitch in her. I know this is definitely true for me. Sometimes it serves and sometimes it does not.
It still goes back to not really about him but about you.
How much do You REALLY want to find love? How much do you really notice yourself, words and actions? What about your ACTIONS when it comes to finding love?
What do you DO on a daily basis that says if you really want to find love? I remember wanting love but also saying out loud to others that I don’t want to go places where there are only couples or kissy-face people. Things like that.
Perhaps what you’re looking for are reasons to NOT be in love?
And this is much like the person who wants to lose weight too. And somewhere along the line they realize that… I’m saying I want to love lose weight but I’m actually sitting on my couch eating ice cream all day.
This person doesn’t REALLY want to lose weight – because they are sabotaging any effort – if even unconsciously.
If you’re afraid of being in a relationship, you’re subconscious will find ALL sorts of reasons why NOT – and many of those are merely fabricated, make up or someone else’s story.
Sure, you don’t WANT to trust a man you shouldn’t trust! Like a man who actually has malicious intent and regularly dis-empowers you or tries to deliberately hurt you for his own ego. Men like that do exist. But why does it matter to YOU? It is irrelevant to YOU, if you are not looking for a man like that! It’s not really about them.
If you REALLY want to find love with a man then every single DAY you MUST practice having an open heart.
You MUST practice connecting with all human beings – including yourself. I knew that deep down and why I choose to work on me first. To first spend time alone. Be ok with me first. Love me first. This helped to prepare me to openly connect with others and not close down the minute something threatened me.
I realized that a big sign of closing down receiving love also included JUDGING OTHERS.
For example, when judging men in general – it’s cuts off the possibilities of a deeper relationships. When judging another woman, you’re closing yourself off to more rewarding friendships.
This is what what most people do. Because it’s safer or so we think. And then we wonder – why don’t I have more girlfriends or where are all the good men?
When your heart is open – more GREAT men and GREAT people present themselves to you.
Practice having an open heart. Do everything you do from a place of believing in love and having faith in the value that love has to bring and amazing things will begin to happen – within you and around you.
Here’s to love!
P. S. You might also like this home study course – The Feminine Art of MANifesting Big Love!