I remember asking myself if the reason I hadn’t find the right guy had to do with me really wanting to find him?
Afterall, I had a couple of failed marriages behind me. I was on a personal growth journey and using newly found concepts of the Law of
Attraction in my life. I was attracting men – just not the forever one.
So, what was up with not finding the one with all this experience I had and re-focus of what I wanted vs. what I didn’t?
And, was it true that the older you get the less choices you have? Or that the good ones are either already married or
too old, or tainted somehow?
What I discovered was – it had nothing to do with him but it did have to do with the real answer to my question.
Whether not I was ready to find him – it was about me. And who I was attracting was really a reflection of me. Was
my heart ready to do it again? The last marriage felt like it ended on our honeymoon.
Sure we had 3 years together but it still felt new and we were in love, or so we thought, or so we said. But it ended.
Ugh. And it hurt. It was a decision-less like decision that had to be made. Him or her. Her as in my daughter.
I chose her. That was the decision that was obvious yet extremely painful to make.
Maybe I was afraid to open my heart again and fall in love. My experience was that if I open my heart and form a deep
bond again with a man, then I might lose him. This is one reason why it seems so much easier to find someone who is
right for us when we are younger, in our teens and early 20s. It’s because, when we are younger, we are still fresh and
don’t focus on the bad things and the pains of loving someone.
I now believe that if you truly want something, had no doubt about – and are a personal reflection of it, you’d have it.
Which means that if you wanted a deeper relationship with a man, you’d have one. And the only thing stopping you or
me from having it is the story we tell ourselves about why we CAN’T have it.
Ex: Not enough men in my town, not enough good men around, I’m too intimidating to men, I am ready for love, etc.
I can totally respect the unconscious things that stop you from attracting the right man….you see, love is scary.
But connection is not so scary. Most people settle for just a surface connection with lovers or friends because love is
too scary. That was my case anyway…for awhile.
Until I learned something.
The truth is, we will likely be be deeply hurt at times, in a relationship. Deeply hurt doesn’t mean I’m saying a man
will cheat on you or beat you! I mean, you will feel all sorts of pain that comes with being close to another human being:
Even just that fact that a man is built almost NOTHING like us is reason and cause for the pain and the misunderstandings.
It’s always harder to be friends with or be in a relationship with someone who is NOT like us. Because we trick ourselves to
believe that we cannot trust them. Men can be like jerks by nature, and they can also be insensitive by nature – because
jerk-like behavior ( I don’t need you or anyone, I can do it all, I know it all) and insensitivity are actually just part of
It’s a feminine term…but usually, women who say this are misunderstanding that the very thing that causes a man’s
insensitivity is the very thing that causes her to be attracted to him in the first place. Ha. Now, any good man is going
to have some jerk-like behavior in him. Just as any good woman will have some bitch in her. I know this is definitely
true for me. Sometimes it serves and sometimes it does not. And furthermore, it is not really about him, it is
about you – about me.
How much do You REALLY want to find love?
How much do you really know you? Know who you are and what you want? REALLY?
I’m referring to your ACTIONS when it comes to finding love.
Because it’s what you DO on a daily basis says if you really do or do not want to find love. I remember wanting love but also saying out loud to others
that I don’t want to go places where there are only couples or kissy-face people. Things like that.
Perhaps what you’re looking for is reasons to NOT be in love?
And this is much like the person who wants to lose weight too. And somewhere along the line they realize
that… I’m saying I’m trying to lose weight but I’m actually sitting on my couch eating chocolate all day.
This person doesn’t REALLY want to lose weight. They just want to fill their life up with some more love and
connection, so that they no longer have to feel like a failure. And so that they no longer have to go to food to give the
illusion that they are connected and that their belly is filled. If they did this then they would automatically start losing
weight. Because they’re no longer using FOOD to fill their emotional need for love.
If you’re afraid of being in a relationship…then you will find ALL sorts of reasons why the the problems or the
this or that.
Sure, you don’t WANT to trust a man you shouldn’t trust! Like a man who actually has malicious intent and regularly
dis-empowers you or tries to deliberately hurt you for his own ego.
Men like that do exist. But why does it matter to YOU? It is irrelevant to YOU, if you are not looking for a man like that!
It’s not really about them.
If you REALLY want to find love with a man, then every single DAY, you MUST be practice having an open heart.
You MUST be practicing relaxing your facial muscles when you tense up out of fear. You MUST practice connecting not
just with MEN, but with human beings. You know that. I knew that deep down and why I choose to work on me first.
To first spend time alone. Be ok with me first. Love me first. This helped to prepare me to openly connect with others
and not close down the minute something threatened me.
I realized that a big sign of closing down included JUDGING OTHERS.
When you’re judging a man, you’re closing yourself off to relationship. When you judge another woman, you’re
closing yourself off to relationship with that woman….when perhaps, she could make a good friend to you.
This is what what most people do. Because it’s safer or so we think.
But the truth is that your heart openness is what will invite GREAT men and GREAT people in.
Practice having an open heart. Do everything you do from a place of believing in love and having faith in the value that
love has to bring. Too many women these days care only about their own significance when it comes to their looks only.
If you want more depth from him, give it to yourself first and see your significance from the inside out.
If you are needing personal support, someone to talk to, some new perspectives on love – I can help. Please feel free to reach out
to me for a chat on what can be done to get you back on track to receiving all the love you desire and deserve. More here